Keep writing.Ghostrider939Report 2012-09-30 21:21:41Main problem, Hank, is HUGE sentences. Porn If it’s only a fantasy story, make yourself taller, change the daughter’s name to Mindy or Wendy, explain what is wrong with your son (ie Bi-polar or ??)
Not a BAD story – just needs some improvement.anonymous readerReport 2012-08-11 02:18:40For the most part it’s a decent story from what I read but could be better. And when you brought up Mendy’s new boyfriend who stole everything from her, I had to re-read it to get the wording correct. Let’s Start with the intro, so Ken is two years younger than Mendy who is 20, therefore Ken is 18 but still lives at home and Mendy helps him at times? From what I read I would give it a 7.6 out of 10. Break down the sentences into manageable chunks. Keep writing.Ghostrider939Report 2012-09-30 21:21:41Main problem, Hank, is HUGE sentences.
